


Dawn of a New Age

by sinfulslasher (Gaby)



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Crack, Gen, Humor
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-10
Updated: 2015-10-10
Packaged: 2018-04-25 18:12:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,577
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4971229
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Gaby/pseuds/sinfulslasher
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Several angels and demons have suddenly disappeared. Dean and Crowley set out to investigate--though it becomes clear very soon that Crowley has slightly different plans than Dean on how to conduct that investigation. Dean is not happy.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Dawn of a New Age

**Author's Note:**

> Written for spn_summergen 2015, based on the prompt: _A Crowley/Squirrel buddy story of season 9/10 shenanigans. Comedic, please. Should somehow involve actual squirrels and/or moose (even if they are magically transformed people) and them attempting to do "good cop/bad cop" but forgetting who was playing which cop._  
>  Beta by elrhiarhodan  
>  **ETA: ******Now with added art!!! Thank you so much, kuwlshadow! If you'd like to leave her feedback, you can do so[here](http://kuwlshadow.livejournal.com/44014.html). :)

"There is no way in _hell_ I'm letting you do this!"

Crowley sighed. The Winchester boys--and Dean in particular--could be just so unreasonable at times. "It's the only way," he said calmly.

"Oh yeah?" Dean shot back, stopping his agitated pacing to glare at Crowley. "Oh _yeah_?!" he repeated for good measure. 

"Yes, Dean." Crowley leaned back against the park bench and looked around furtively to make sure they weren't overheard by anyone. It _was_ a secluded area of Central Park, and it _was_ getting late, so there weren't many people around, but one could not be careful enough. 

"Yeah, well..." Dean waved one hand around helplessly. "Then why don't you do it yourself?"

"Because I tried and it didn't work." Crowley sighed. Dean was just so daft at times. "We've gone over this, remember? I tried to talk to our only witnesses but they just ran away. We need you and your special gift to find out what happened."

"Gift? What gift?" Dean tried to play dumb. "I'm not letting you do this to me just so you can get your stupid jollies--"

"Recalcitrant little prat," Crowley muttered under his breath. He stood up and advanced on Dean, poking him in the chest. "You're our only hope, Dean. You want to find out what happened to those angels as much as I do, right?"

Dean wavered. He did want to find out why several angels had disappeared--alongside several demons, in fact. He also knew that Crowley's top priority was to find the demons. Crowley didn't care about the angels. But the demons that had disappeared belonged to his inner circle, were some of his most trusted employees. Having them disappear alongside a handful of angels--led by Castiel, no less--was worrisome, to say the least. Normally, the obvious explanation would be that there had been some epic battle between good and evil, between Heaven and Hell, but apparently no angel or demon had survived to tell the tale and there had been no trace of evidence left that would indicate what had really happened.

And even despite extensive research, they had found no witnesses. Central Park had some very secluded areas where no security cameras were set up and no human being would randomly stroll by to see what was going on.

But there had been animals. Local wildlife.

Squirrels in the trees.

"You are not going to change me into a damn squirrel, Crowley."

"Well, can you talk to them in your human form?" Crowley waved at a couple of squirrels that were huddling nearby on a patch of grass, staring at them curiously. "Feel free to converse."

"I was on the same brainwave as a damn _dog_ , Crowley," Dean argued, slightly desperately. "Not a damn squirrel."

"And I know that you could hear and understand other animals as well. Remember your little heated discussion with the pigeon?" Crowley chuckled, recalling how a slightly drunken Dean had once told him that particular tale. "And all because it wanted to take a dump on your car."

"Nobody defiles Baby!" Dean exclaimed.

"And you told that pigeon off like a big boy. I'm very proud of you, Dean." Crowley waved at the squirrels nearby. "So, can you hear them? Understand them? Talk to them? Because if you can't, I'm pretty sure it's because of your human form. It's been a while since you received your gift. It'll be easier to converse with the animals in their own form."

Dean glowered at Crowley, then at the squirrels. The animals blinked their beady eyes at him and huddled closer together.

"No luck?" Crowley asked mildly. "That's what I thought."

"Shut up," Dean muttered, frowning deeply in concentration. He was clearly trying to telepathically talk with the squirrels, but only managed to look constipated in the process.

"See? That was my problem as well. Except they also seemed intimidated by my appearance, which comes as no surprise, being the King of Hell and all." Crowley straightened up a bit to make himself look taller and more regal. "But you still have a bit of your gift left inside of you."

"It was a potion I drank, Crowley. A stupid spell that helped me communicate with a dog. That was a long time ago. It ain't workin' anymore."

"I call it a gift." Crowley flapped a hand at Dean. "And I'm sure there's still a bit of it left inside of you. I can transform you into an animal but only your gift can make you converse with them."

"This is insane," Dean argued.

"This is pure genius." Crowley all but patted himself on the back. "So, are we ready?" He rubbed his hands together eagerly.

"No, _we_ are most certainly not ready. In fact--" A second later, Dean had disappeared in a puff of smoke, and a rather big and very pissed off looking squirrel was hunkering in front of Crowley instead. The squirrel chittered angrily, stood up on his--surprisingly bow-like--hind legs, and then raced up the inside of Crowley's pants leg. 

A second later, Crowley yelped in pain and shook his leg furiously until he managed to dislodge the squirrel again. "You bit me!" he yelled, shaking a finger at the defiant looking squirrel. "You bit my calf, you little-- Ow!" He shook his finger, and the squirrel glared triumphantly at the bite mark it had left there. "I will throw you back into Hell, Dean Winchester," Crowley thundered, pointing an uninjured finger at the squirrel--wisely making sure it was kept out of any immediate biting zone. 

The squirrel--Dean--picked up a small pebble from the ground and threw it at Crowley with all its might. The pebble didn't do much damage, but the message had been sent loud and clear.

Crowley collapsed on the park bench and sucked on his bleeding fingertip. "Just go and talk to your friends," he muttered around his finger, indicating the other squirrels nearby.

Dean flicked his bushy tail at Crowley and made his way over to the squirrels, adding as much swagger to his walk as he possibly could.

There was some excited squeaking and chittering going on for a good two minutes, and the squirrels were pointing in different directions--a nearby tree, further down the road, up into the sky. Dean nodded his head and made a few more inquisitive noises, his tail flicking back and forth in excitement--or maybe worry, Crowley wasn't sure. Since Castiel was one of the missing angels, it was no surprise that Dean had a big interest in finding out what had really happened.

"So, find anything?" a deep voice suddenly asked from behind the park bench, causing Crowley to jump three feet into the air.

He turned around and stared in shock at a fully grown moose that was complacently chewing on some grass. One of its big ears was lazily waving back and forth, as if in greeting.

"Moose?" Crowley asked hesitantly.

The moose turned its head to look at its gigantic body. "Looks like it," it replied. 

"No." Crowley pinched the bridge of his nose. "I mean, _Moose_? Sam?"

The moose nodded its head. Crowley barely managed to jump out of the way of the impressive--and potentially deadly--antlers waving in his direction.

"You transformed Dean into a squirrel, didn't you?" Sam looked at the group of squirrels on the ground, and one of them ran and hopped excitedly up on the park bench and then onto the moose's head until it perched on the antlers right next to an ear. The squirrel chittered rapid-fire at the moose and received a friendly bellow in response. Then the moose turned back to look at Crowley. "He found out what happened," he reported. "It's pretty much the same thing the horses told me." Sam nodded in the direction of the path that was winding its way through Central Park a little further away. A couple of horse-drawn carriages followed the path at a leisurely pace.

"You talked to the horses?" Crowley asked in disbelief.

Sam nodded again, almost dislodging his brother from his perch in the antlers. "Sorry, Dean," he mumbled. "And yes, I did. What else was I supposed to do when I suddenly found myself in this body?" Sam glared at Crowley. "It would've been enough to transform Dean, you know."

"I didn't do it on purpose!" Crowley all but squeaked. "And anyway, shouldn't you be hiding? A squirrel is one thing, but a moose? In Central Park?"

"Nobody can see us here, you idiot," Sam replied, indicating the secluded area they were in, surrounded by trees and shrubbery. "And of course I was careful to hide while I talked to the horses. Seriously, dude. I'm not stupid."

Crowley blinked. And then blinked again. "Okay," he finally said, trying to assert himself as top dog again. He _was_ the King of Hell, after all. "Okay. So, what did the animals say?"

In response, Dean just chittered at him angrily.

"Oh, come on now. If your brother can speak English in his animal form, so can you," Crowley argued.

In response, Dean flipped him the bird with the tiniest furry finger Crowley had ever seen.

"You will not act so disrespectfully!" Crowley exclaimed. "I am the King of Hell!"

Sam took one step forward and blew hot air right into Crowley's face in warning.

Crowley decided to beat a tactical retreat, and took a couple of steps back. "Come on, guys," he said, chuckling nervously. "Enough with the tomfoolery. We have demons to save, right? And...and angels."

Sam snorted again and advanced on Crowley once more. "You will transform us back before we tell you anything."

"But I--"

" _Now_ , Crowley."

"All right, all right." Crowley waved a hand, and both the moose and the squirrel started to shimmer. A second later, Sam and Dean collapsed to the ground in one big pile of tangled arms and legs, since Dean had still been perching on top of Sam's head, and Sam hadn't been able to hold up his brother. Barely managing not to laugh at the ridiculous sight, Crowley demanded, "So, what's the news?"

"The news is that you can shut the hell up," Dean growled, climbing to his feet. He took a threatening step forward and glowered at Crowley. "That wasn't cool, man. That was _so_ not cool." He shook himself and then stared at his body, as if trying to make sure there was no more bushy tail sticking up above his ass.

Sam, who had also gotten up by now, advanced as well. "We don't appreciate this sort of thing, Crowley," he said in a deadly calm tone of voice. 

"But..." Crowley took a step back. And then another. "But I was only trying to help you find your friend," he argued. "You know, Castiel? The angel?"

"Right." Dean snorted. Then he shared a look with his brother. They started to smirk at the same time, nodded once, and then looked around at the various animals they were surrounded by.

Crowley found out the hard way that both Winchesters suddenly seemed to be able to communicate with animals telepathically, even in their human form, because a myriad of mice, rats, squirrels and birds came out of nowhere and attacked him. He heard a bunch of dogs and feral cats approaching as well. When the loud stomping of hooves and angry whinnying of several horses joined in, Crowley turned tail and ran away.

Sam and Dean watched the King of Hell racing through shrubbery, losing his black coat in the process, and then down a gentle slope of grass, screaming for help at the top of his lungs.

"Does he know that he's heading toward the Central Park zoo?" Sam asked mildly.

Dean smirked. "Probably not." He looked up at the top of the nearest tree, a majestic looking oak. A quaker parrot was perching there, idly watching them. "Hey, Cas," Dean called. "You can come down here now."

The quaker parrot tilted its head to one side, as if contemplating its next move, but then spread its wings and glided down in a graceful arch until it sat down on the back of the park bench.

"You could've said something," Sam muttered reproachfully. "We were really worried about you."

The quaker parrot spread its wings apologetically and then shook its feathers. "But we were playing truth or dare," it said, in a surprisingly gravelly voice. "And the dare was to immediately turn into an animal. So I did."

"And you couldn't turn back into an angel?" Dean asked exasperatedly. "Afterwards? You won the dare."

"I had to wait until someone found me." The quaker parrot bobbed its head happily. "I knew it would be you, Dean."

"Well, good." Dean looked a bit flustered. "I found you. Now change back."

The quaker parrot cocked its head again in contemplation, but then apparently decided that the dare really was won, because a second later, Castiel sat docilely on the park bench. "That was fun," he exclaimed happily.

"Where are the other angels?" Sam asked, looking around. "And the demons?"

Castiel looked into the distance for a long moment, as if summoning the rest of his group. A second later, more quaker parrots came swooping down from nearby trees. They transformed into angels--mostly very young and innocent looking--and then stared at Castiel expectantly.

"What is our next game?" one of them asked, bouncing excitedly on the balls of his feet.

Sam's jaw dropped at the thought of angels playing stupid kids' games...apparently with demons.

"We need to wait until the demons are back," Castiel explained patiently.

That caused Dean's jaw to drop. He had heard the squirrels explain what had happened but still refused to believe it. Then he saw the nearby shrubbery rustle and slowly transform into a handful of demons, their large black eyes blinking contemplatively at the group of angels.

"They weren't dared to transform," Castiel told Sam and Dean. "But they decided to stay close by to make sure we weren't cheating." He suddenly grinned. "Not that we ever would. We're angels, after all." He looked at the demons. "So, we won this round, agreed?"

The demons huddled together to discuss, and then finally nodded.

"What is going on here?" Sam muttered to Dean. "Is the world ending? Is this another sign of the apocalypse?"

Dean just shrugged helplessly but Castiel was happy to explain. "We have decided not to fight anymore. There is no good or evil. We just need to learn to live with each other. Once you get to know your enemy, you find out he's just a regular guy like yourself." He quickly looked at the demons. "Well, for the most part. You know what I mean."

"This is insane," Dean muttered.

"No, this is the dawn of a new age," Castiel exclaimed, throwing his arms wide. "Now, who wants to get some ice cream before we play tag?"

Sam and Dean stared in total disbelief at the group of angels and demons, happily mingling among each other on their way to the nearest ice cream stand.

In the distance, they could hear sea lions and monkeys rioting while Crowley screamed for help at the top of his lungs.

"Dawn of a new age, Dean," Sam deadpanned.

Dean just rubbed a hand over his face. "Dude, I so need alcohol."

THE END


End file.
